Is there something in your life you’ve been struggling to change?

Something for which you keep criticizing yourself?  Or for which you shame yourself?

Perhaps it’s your weight.  Your diet.  Your lack of physical activity.  Your timidity and “inability” to speak up.  Your tendency to procrastinate.  Your struggle to be patient with your parents.

The key to change?

Self-acceptance.

You’ve likely heard this before.  BUT if you’re like me, you forget and don’t practice this.

I want to be physically and mentally strong and robust, which in my mind requires bulking up.

Instead of eating more, I skimp.  I basically do the opposite of what I want to do and self-sabotage.

“What!”  You say.   “That makes no sense.   Why would you do that?”

Because instead of loving and accepting myself, I find myself lost in self-criticism and regret for past “failures.”

This blocks my ability to think well in the moment and I stay stuck in old patterns.

Can you relate?

Non-acceptance creates enormous emotional pain.  You have to love and accept who you are now – who you are now being the result of all you’ve gone through in life.

Otherwise, you just create more suffering.

So, acceptance is key if you want to change your life.   You have to accept and love yourself.

Accepting doesn’t equate to liking the habit, physical feature, or circumstance.

It’s simply recognizing and acknowledging the way something is right now.  The facts.  The truth.  This is the way it is right now.

Let me give one more example and then I’ll provide you with a crucial practice for finding acceptance.

Again, this involves body image but it could be anything.

If you want to lose weight and you look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself, “You look like a blob.  You’re disgusting.  You should be ashamed of yourself,” you’re in non-acceptance/rejection mode.

You give up on the very practice you want to implement.  “Why bother?  This isn’t going to work.  I’m a failure.”

You binge more and harm yourself because you think you deserve it.

Instead, practice loving and accepting yourself just the way you are, right now.

Name the features about yourself that are beautiful and you appreciate – both physical and character traits.

Give equal airtime to loving those parts, as you might spend self-loathing.

When you spend 20-30 minutes in the morning practicing confirming thoughts and experience the feelings they generate and then go on to start your day, you will radiate self-acceptance.

When you radiate self-acceptance, you will begin to see ways to implement change, and be motivated to do so.

“Because I accept and love Karen unconditionally, I am going to take care of her.  I am going to give her what she needs right now.”

What she needs could be forgiveness, nourishing food, a cup of tea, a walk, a plan for the week,…

Will you join me in this practice?

Start giving equal air-time to loving and appreciating the qualities you named, as you do to criticizing yourself for something with which you’re unhappy.

If 20-30 minutes in the morning sounds unattainable, start with 2 minutes and work up.

No more shaming yourself.

If you’re finding this challenging, click here to book a free 30-minute Discovery Call.  Let me help you identify the stumbling blocks and how you can make changes to overcome them.

I believe we can change no matter how long we’ve struggled with a given issue.

May God’s peace and grace be upon you.

Thank you,
Karen

P.S.  Check out these other posts for recognizing and overcoming unwanted habits – habits that don’t serve you well: